


I don't forget you

by emmisaysmufasa



Category: Pretty Little Liars
Genre: Dark, Death, Depressing, Depression, F/F, Fallout, Guilt, Suicide, Suicide Attempts, after rejection, and possibly sparia too, angsty, because it's adorable, maybe some paily stuff, suicidal, trigger warning
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-29
Updated: 2016-06-05
Packaged: 2018-07-11 01:13:23
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 776
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7019278
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/emmisaysmufasa/pseuds/emmisaysmufasa
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The aftermath of Alison rejecting Emily.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. EMILY

**Author's Note:**

> This is fiction, I don't own these characters, etc. Title is from Avril Lavigne song Slipped Away.

*EMILY*  
What the fuck do you want from me? My heart? It was only ever yours anyway. Do you want my brain? You took that, too. When the thought of you wasn't jarring, ugly and hurtful. When no one else knew the visions I had of you, constantly. Back when I believed in miracles, in love. Back when I was a fucking child, when I didn't know anything about myself, you, or the world. It's such a big place. So limitless yet limited, so unsafe. I think I'm falling off it. I feel myself, my heart, my brain, warping, changing. I'm falling off the world and nothing can stop me. No ONE can stop me. Least of all, you. I still remember that night, Alison. Every fucking time I close my eyes. You shaking your head, the way your blond curls spilled over your shoulders, the way you ran off, the way I sank into the ground and let the earth below swallow me whole. When you got in the fucking- KNOCK. I stumble up. Open the door. It's Aria, dressed in black. So unlike her. She only wears black for- no. Close your eyes, ignore it, don't feel it, it didn't happen it didn't happen it didn't happen it didn't Aria's arms are around me in an instant and I cling to her as she cries, hard enough to make her throat sound raw, empty. It feels like centuries later we're in her car, with Spencer driving because she's always been the best at holding up under stress, always kept herself calm. Hanna is sullen, in the backseat beside Aria, thumbing at the hole in the car seat lining. She has earphones in, and looks emotionless. Like a canvas completely washed free. That's all I remember, all I want to remember. Now I'm in bed and my mother is talking on the phone outside my door, worriedly, poking her head in ever few minutes. I'm fine. 


	2. Chapter 2

Alison is gone to see her family. But she'll come back. She always does. In the next three months, Aria confesses her crush on Spencer to me, and then Spencer and Aria start dating, and I start hooking up with Paige McCullers sometimes, just for a distraction. But always on my mind is Ali. Hanna barely talks to us, now. I don't know why. I wish I did. But it'll all be okay. It always has been, and will be, and is, and Alison will come back and we'll be friends again and everything will be normal, everything will be okay again.


	3. Chapter 3

The day everything comes crashing down, it's sunny outside. That's all i remember. Then I'm in the hospital, and people are asking me questions, about me, my mother, about Alison, and there's a bandage on my leg I'm too scared to look at closely. On the second morning, a woman comes in and sits down, and she talks to me, about Alison and oh god, no, please, don't i can't take it i can't fucking take it nothing happened i'm okay and then I'm at home, picking up the phone, and running, running, running, to Hanna's side, and she's trying to call an ambulance and there's fucking blood everywhere, and blonde hair is mixed with it, sticking through the windshield of the car. And I'm trying to get closer, to get Alison up, to help, but Hanna is screaming at me, and Alison's heart isn't beating when I touch it.   
Alison is dead.  
Alison Lauren DiLaurentis is dead and gone. Officially, now.   
The funeral, all the black, which Aria only wears to funerals, and I'm silent, knowing it's all my fault.   
It is all my fault.


	4. Chapter 4

The next day they explain to me that I tried to commit suicide. The memories aren't back yet, so they explain, it was the day of Alison's birthday, and Alison is dead and couldn't grow older, and I buckled. I always was the weakest link.  
I made Ali die. If I hadn't confessed that I loved her, she wouldn't have run off and gotten in the car with a drunken Ian Thomas, and she wouldn't have been killed when Ian drove into a tree. Since it was Ali's birthday, the deaths of two beloved citizens of Rosewood was brought up especially that day. And it is all my fucking fault. If what they say is true, that I tried to die, I wish I had cut deeper, sooner, faster, found a way to stop Aria from coming in the house and finding me, bleeding out on the bathroom floor. I killed my best friend. I killed the girl I still love.


End file.
